Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
