Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
bring money and cleavage
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
