you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
