I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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