then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
