we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
