being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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