dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
