I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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