Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
