Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
