i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
