The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
