haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You were trust falling into bushes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
