3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
