please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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