Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
