i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
