Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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