ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
