Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
