I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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