That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
