took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
