He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
