If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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