Are we in a gay sports bar?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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