True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
