I got chris browned last night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
