lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
