perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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