No stitches, just platelets and will power
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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