So drunk its hurt
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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