Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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