Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
