Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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