1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
