A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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