turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
