i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
