there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
