you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She even gives head with a lisp.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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