The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
