She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
