i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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