good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
