After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This house was built for laser tag.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
