I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
