he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
