His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
